52books:

Your streak of meeting weird people with preposterous names will continue unabated.

You are never selfish with your advice or your help, even when you are dead.

Smiling can make you feel and look younger and less like an orphan.

A firm friendship will be the secret to your financial success. That and realizing you were rich all along.

You bring cheer to children and the elderly as well as TB.

You will meet an ugly stranger. He will be your father.

It is the best of times. It was the worst of times. Your lucky numbers are 45, 17, and 23.

(via McSweeney’s, which made my Monday morning 10000x more tolerable due to the fact that some of these have already applied to me today.)